I need to be better at this.

So Christmas is coming up and I am in such a foul mood! ha. I don't get it.... Christmas.... yuck.

I am very thankful that we have challenged our youth to give up Christmas this year and give all the money they would spend/receive to a guy named Bernard so that he can become a physician and do amazing work in his village in Uganda. That means that instead of satisfying ourselves this season, we can help someone else... and make a huge change! That will be cool.

It hit me the other day, I need to do more. I am barley living right now. I make plenty of money, I eat as much as i want, I have no fear. Why? because I don't live by faith. Bottom line. Sad huh?

I never think about the fact that almost EVERY time I buy a candy bar, I am supporting slavery in some other country. Most of the time when I drink a cup of coffee I am supporting slavery. Yet, more often than not, I'll support slavery because of accessibility and lack of knowledge about what I am buying.

How sad is that?


I was made for more than this....

weekend

I have had such an amazing weekend. can I tell about it?

Friday my twin brother came into town and I was able to hang out with him, his girlfriend and a new friend of mine. Such a good time!

Saturday I got up early and spent some amazing time with my Granny! It was great to see her.

I then preached Saturday night and Sunday morning. It was great fun.

Here are my thoughts about preaching.

I realized how much it wears you out. Monday morning I got up, after preaching three services and not taking enough time to rest, and went to work. Let me tell ya, I was in a daze for most of the day. I had to go home and take a nap.... that usually doesn't happen!

I really enjoyed preaching this weekend. Here is the thing. Since the weekend, I have been worried about getting my true message across. There is a burden that I have felt. A good burden, but still a burden. I hope I can preach again at HCC.

I had a good convo Sunday night with some dear friends about Covenant Membership and Jesus vs. The church.

That was great fun.

I like the idea of covenant membership. I think it is important to educate about what it truly means to join THE Church. I think it is important to hold ourselves accountable to the church, since THE Church has no form of an institution that can do so.

I think its pointless and stupid to transfer memberships from church to church.

I think that if that is all we consider when thinking about membership, we are missing the point.

When we join, we join something much larger than any institution here on earth. we are joining THE Church.... those memberships are either valid or invalid... they don't transfer.

anyway. it was great fun.

today, I'm going to try to be pure in through and action... if anyone reads this feel free to join me.

crazy love

It's been a busy summer. A few camps and trips have kept me pretty busy... or at least away from my "normal" life. One thing that I regret is that it has taken me all summer to read one book. I'm terrible!

Well, I finished it today. "crazy love" by Francis Chan. At first I didn't want to read it, simply because everyone was. There are some books that just aren't that good, yet everyone reads them because they are "it". I didn't want to be that guy. But I am... so i read it.

The biggest thing that screamed at me throughout the entire book was one question. "how would my life look differently if I was not a christian?" Sadly, I'm afraid it wouldn't look much different. I would hopefully have a full time job... but that's about it.

I am sad, and embarrassed, to say that I do not rely on God all that much. I have a decent job at a good church, I don't get a full time salary but I am paid plenty to live on since they are providing me with housing. I don't worry about food, water, money, anything... I don't go without. This is not because of Gods provision, its because my life is safe.

It leaves me asking what else I need to be doing. What do I need to give up more of? how can I be dependent on God daily? Who do I need to love more?

God punched me in the face....

Its amazing how there are times when I have read a passage 10,000 times before but then I read it and unexpectedly get punched in the face.

This morning I was reading Philippians in my quiet time. (I'm at a lake resort with a group from my new church.... I know... pretty sweet huh?) I got to Chapter four and read, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

It punched me in the face because I'm pretty sure that I do everything in an anxious way. Its what pushes me.

that stinks.

If anyone reads this and sees me being anxious, you can punch me too.

Right now.

This past weekend was more upsetting than I thought it would be. 

Saturday was an outreach event that I have been working on for a few months now. It was nothing big... The idea was a "Luke 5 party" (I know Cheesy name). I lined up enough food for about 100 people. Considering that our church is only 50 people .... on a good Sunday... it seemed possible to have 100 people. If everyone brings just one friend we would run out of food... it would have been great! There was also live music and games. It was a great idea. 

The Monday before the event, I got a call from one of the guys who was going to be playing the live music. He had to work. The weeks momentum continued and concluded with all but one person backing out of the music. So it left me and one other guy with 4 hours of music to play. Now, I am not very talented when it comes to music. I did a 6 month worship/youth ministry internship in high school... I quickly learned that music is not my thing. The other guy is talented but has never played or sung in front of people... we did about 2 hours of music and played Cd's for the rest of the time... That part went well... 

The bad thing was that only our church members came. I heard grumbling about how we didn't promote it enough throughout the community. I said from day one that I would not hang a flyer. If I were not involved in the church, I would not go to a persons home for a cookout if the only invitation I received was on my windshield. I promoted the idea of personally asking one person each to come, and following through with them... It didn't happen. 

There was no outreach. No evangelism. No sharing the Gospel. It made me sad. 

(It was great fun, don't get me wrong. But my enjoyment was not the mission. The mission was to share Jesus.) 

So Saturday came and went. 

Sunday morning I was to preach. I did terrible. I know that. I started to look out at the crowd and ask myself, "have I made a difference?", "have I done my job?". I'm sad to say.... not the way it should have been done. I wish I could have done things differently. I saw joy, relief, and sorrow expressed through the faces I preached to. The final stab was the fact that I had to explain what grace was to one of my students Sunday night. After nearly two years, this child being there EVERY Sunday that I was there, and he had no idea what grace was! I know I have taught about it! I have explained it! I thought that everyone could tell me what it was, but this one child could not. Wow... 

With that said, I will deeply miss several from my church (well I guess it's not mine anymore). 

Now I sit thinking about my graduation in just over one week. I think about all the time I have wasted here at JBC. I think about the friendship that I have wasted here. It breaks my heart to think that for the last four years, I have made very few strong friendships. I have been so judgmental, so individualistic, so selfish... I have robbed myself from the gift of friendship. 

I have made friendships with people here but I have undoubtedly left them hanging in the air for some time now and unfortunately there is no time to continue them. I wish there was a way for me to apologize to all of those who I have failed to connect with. I wish I would have done things differently. I wish I hadn't robbed myself from the pleasure of knowing so many who I haven't connected with. 

It makes me think. How have I done with God. I have wasted time with him. I have not glorified him with all that I do. I have not been the man that I am called to be. My relationships are proof of that. I have learned much, much from failure. 

I'm still repeating the words  of King Jehoshaphat, "[I] don't know what to do but [my] eyes are upon you". 

A time of change.

It is becoming overwhelmingly clear that my life is in the process of change. In just a few short weeks, I'll be graduating from College. This is the day that I have been looking forward to for four years. I cannot wait to be able to say that I am a college graduate! At the same time, I have this unexplainable urge to throw up. I have no clue what I am going to do or where I am going to go. 

It has become eerily regular for me to have dreams about what life has in store after I graduate. Thursday, I had a dream that McDonald's wouldn't hire me! 

As if the uncertainty of life after college isn't enough, I have one more week at what has been my weekend ministry since the fall of 07. Yesterday I woke up in a good mood. I got dressed and started the hour and a half drive to my church. As soon as I got there, I was reminded that there was only one more week left. I am shocked to say, it broke my heart. I look over the past two (ish) years and I am repulsed by the idea that I have made no difference. I look at my youth and I wonder, "do they get it?", "Do they see how important their lives are?", " do they love Jesus more than they did a year ago?", "Do they really know Jesus?".  

I look at my church as a whole and ask the same question. I have grown to love them. I have looked forward to the kind words of some, I have looked forward to giving kind words to others. FCC is great! At the same time, I ask myself... has my ministry mattered? 

Now, I have to put on a good face and go there for one more week. I have to face the tears of my youth group.... and while I do that, I will be faced the with question.... "has it mattered?" 

I was reading an article in Leadership Magazine this past week that Deals with the Economic situation of today. Gordon MacDonald sited King Jehoshaphat's prayer in 2 Chronicles 20 "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you.". Earlier Jehoshaphat stated that the unity of God and his people would be maintained no matter what happened to them and voiced the peoples faith in the faithful God... "If calamity comes upon us, whether the sword of judgment or plague, or famine, we will stand in your presence before this temple that bears your Name and will cry out to you in our distress, and you will hear us and save us." 

That's pretty cool. 

 

come worship our dead god

Why is it that a dead Jesus gets talked about more than the living Jesus? Why is the church so pumped on the fact that he died and not very pumped about the fact that he rose from the dead? For the past few months I have heard this message preached time and time again, and its starting to bother me. Jesus dying on a cross isn't nearly as important as Jesus raising from the dead. 

The early church was not moved by the idea that Jesus died on a cross. Big Deal! The early church didn't grow because Jesus' death was preached, it grew because he rose from the dead. In John 20 we can see the mindset of the disciples after Jesus had been killed. They locked themselves in a house because they were afraid of the Jews. They weren't out preaching, "Jesus died on the cross so you need to quit sinning and go to church." That was not the message that moved them. They were running scared when Jesus was killed. The Christ that they expected wouldn't be killed. The Christ they expected would come to save them from the sorry state that they were in. The Christ was revolutionary, unstoppable,  anointed by God! When Jesus died, they were lost. 

The only message that moved the early church, and I propose, will move the church today is not the dead Jesus hanging on a cross but the living Jesus, seated in majesty, who invites us to share in his Glory. 

Paul says that we were once alienated from God. But because of Jesus' death we have been reconciled with God. If we have now switched sides from enemy to child of God, how much more will we be saved through his life. 

Yet, I don't hear this as the focus of our preaching today. I hear that we are to get rid of our sins so that we can follow God more. 

"Jesus died for your sins, so quit sinning... go to church, read your bible, don't say #*$(#. Don't Smoke, Chew or run with girls that do." 

While we shouldn't do those things, they shouldn't be our focus! We use the word "repent" when talking about following Christ. In the Greek it refers to the changing of ones whole being... thoughts, mind, heart.. all that stuff. But when we use it, we only focus on the act of doing, not the method behind it. We refer to "repent" and say that it means to turn around from our sins, and start going the opposite direction, and we assume that is God. Here is the problem. We, for some reason, keep our eyes on the sin and don't watch where we are going... much like a wide receiver catching a pass. We keep an eye on the sins in our life to see how far (or close) we are getting to them, while neglecting how close (or far) we are getting to God. 

What if we were to focus on God more... "for we died to sin, how can we live in it any longer". 

A final note... I love some of the Greek Orthodox Church's  simply for this reason. When you look at the front of the church, you don't see Jesus hanging on a cross, you see him in majesty after the Resurrection. I think that's golden. 

The message that caught the church on fire was not "Jesus died for your sins" but rather, "Jesus died, rose from the grave and offers you a new life." 

Lets focus on the positive and let God take care of our negative.